Joe, I don\’t know if you read this anymore, but I figured in case you did there were some things that I want to say. First of all. I adore you. I think you are the most wonderful person on this planet. That\’s enough of that. The truth is, I\’ve been thinking a lot about stuff you\’ve said this past month. I really do listen, I promise. I might not necessarily agree with all the decisions you\’ve made, but I respect that you made them and I think you\’re really brave. Even though this whole thing sucks because I don\’t get what I want, I want you to know, that I really respect what you\’re trying to do for me. I know what you\’re trying to do for me even though I don\’t always act like I know. I just get frustrated because this isn\’t what I want….like at all. I want to fall in love with you and marry you and have 15 catholic children and grow old on our porch together. However, I\’m 18, you\’re 17. It\’s obviously not time for any of that yet. I believe in it though. I believe in fairy tales, because you told me they existed. I trust you. I really do. I know it doesn\’t seem like it cause I act like I don\’t because I\’m very against this whole situation, but I really do trust you. That, honestly is my only solace. To know that you are doing this and I trust you know what\’s best. You\’re always right about stuff like this. I know that it might be silly to have hope in us being anything, seeing as we\’re not even really talking anymore, but I can\’t help thinking that there\’s something more out there for us. Certainly not today, probably not tomorrow, maybe not even in the next year, but I just have a feeling that one day we\’ll be together and it\’ll be beautiful. Now, don\’t think that by me saying that I\’m going to stop living my life, because I won\’t, nor do you want me to. But I think that you and me have something really special and I don\’t want to lose that ever. Think about us for a second. We\’ve liked each other more or less for 3 1/2 years. Even since we\’ve broken up, I have not yet heard \”Karen, I don\’t like you anymore.\”. No, I mostly get \”Karen, this isn\’t about what I want this is about what the right thing to do is.\” or \”Love is a choice and I choose not to love you because it\’s not right, right now.\” or \”Not yet.\” or \”I\’m keeping the option completely open, but not right now.\” I really haven\’t heard you say that you honestly don\’t want to be with me or even that you don\’t like me anymore, so I have no reason to believe that your opinion has changed in that area. Please please correct me if I\’m wrong. As far as I understand it, you and I both need time to work on some issues and stuff, but that doesn\’t mean that what we had is gone…it\’s just covered up by a bunch of other stuff at the time. There\’s a connection with us. I feel it and I know you do too. You know me better than anyone in the world and I know you pretty darn well too. What we have doesn\’t happen all the time, it\’s rare. With you, it feels real and pure. I\’ve never respected anyone as deeply. And I know for a fact, you\’ve never cared for anyone more deeply than me, even if you refuse to admit it. I really hate it when you\’re mad at me. I feel like a puppy dog that just peed on the carpet and now I come before you with my tail between my legs. I don\’t know how you have the ability to forgive me time and time again and I thank you for giving me 70000 million trillion chances. Thank you for never giving up on me. I\’m not gonna give up on you. Not until you can look me in the face and say you don\’t want me anymore or you go into the seminary or die…lol. I really will try and keep my emotional outbursts in check and I\’m sorry for all the times when I\’ve gotten out of hand and downright horrible. I have faith that you know that I\’m not really like that and that I don\’t really think that way, I\’ve just been really upset. It\’s not an excuse I know, but that\’s not normal Karen behavior. Maybe I have an anger problem. Anyways, I guess that\’s really all I wanted to say. Please call me if you want to. I would love to hear from you, you know to know that you still care about me a little bit, or at least enough to see how I\’m doing. I\’d also love to see you before I go back to Arlington, if that\’s possible. Anyways, it\’s like 3:30 am, so I should probably go. But guess what, Dan called the other day looking for my mom, who was working, cause he was filling out life insurance paperwork and he needed the social security number of a benefactor and I was the only one home, so that means if my brother dies while working at Fry\’s I get $20,000. Now I sincerely hope this doesn\’t happen, because that would be devastating, but I think it\’s cool that I\’m the benefactor.