I want so desperately to be a good person. A great person. The kind of person that when I walk by people stop and think….wow, she\’s really sweet. I want to be holier. I wish that I had the discipline and courage to look Satan in the face and say, \”Screw you and you\’re evil works!\” I\’ve been thinking a lot about what I want to be…who I want to be…and who I am becoming. I think that it\’s finally time for me to grow up and step up to the plate and make decisions and look the world in the eye. I\’m not a kid anymore. Gosh, when did that happen? One minute you\’re learning that 1 + 1 = 2 and the next you\’re studying for a trigonometry final. I\’ve always looked at growing up somewhat negatively. I saw the world and the adults in it and I vowed that I did not want to become that. I don\’t believe in that. Adults make everything so complicated. They have their priorities all wrong. I still believe that in a lot of cases. But the more I keep thinking the more I think that you can still grow up without having your priorities wrong. You can still grow up and retain the wonderful qualities of childhood, such as believing in the impossible, having hope, accepting things, seeing the beauty in the world. That\’s something I\’ve never had a problem with. When it seemed like everyone was going through that emo stage of I hate the world and my life….I was like….oh my gosh, did you see the sky today it was SOO BLUE!! I\’m such a sociology major. As I\’m sitting here writing this entry, I keep thinking about the impact of how society has affected so many individuals and certain trends in ideologies and lifestyles that have flourished among teenagers in the past several years. I\’m such a dork. I think I need to grow into being the woman of God that I was made to be, as opposed to being the girl. I have got to start making some freaking decisions about my life and actually living it. I\’m interesting because I always know in my head what I need to do to improve myself or any situation I find myself in, I just don\’t always have the courage to actually do it. It\’s scary for me though. It\’s scary to not know whether you can successfully be the person you want to be or do what you know is right. I might fail, I might fail miserably. I feel like a bird being pushed out of the nest by her mother and I can either fly or fall. But if she never pushes me out, then I have a 100% guarantee that I will never fly at all. And life in a nest is no life at all when you have wings that can fly to the moon.
\”Do good.\” – Mr. Feeny
\”Don\’t you mean do well?\” – Topanga
\”No, I mean do good.\” – Mr. Feeny
I am positive there’s a Bible verse to go along with this…
Unfortunately I am no Bible scholar.
I, too, am having struggles similar to yours. I pray every rosary with an intension of faith in the face of adversity. I am sorry I cannot offer any advice to your struggles, but I can say that you’re not the only one out there fighting this. For all that that means.
Bon chance. Prayer helps it come I find.
I think you are a very good person Karen. I love you a ton! And I can’t love someone who is a bad person. There is your proof. :o)
Keep smiling. You have reason to, I mean, I’m definately going to see you during Christmas break… unless you’re going to Maine or something. Are you going to Maine?
http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20050624
Your entry is very insightful, but the quotes at the bottom totally sidetracked me. I loved that part of the final episode of Boy Meets World. Then Eric tries to get Fenny to tell them he loves them and after they leave he goes “I Love You All.” I cried so hard during that episode, it was so lovely.