Alright, I\’ll admit it. I\’m insecure. There you go. I said it. You know this. You all know this. Even though I know there is nothing going on with you and Kailey and Sara, and I love them both to death, i still feel a little…i don\’t know….intimidated by them. (This isn\’t meant to attack you Kailey, I love you and I know you and Danny would never do anything together.) You KNOW this. You know I am weird about all the time you and Kailey and Sara spend together, but I would never want you to not hang out with them because of me. I\’m not like that. You can (and obviously do) hang out with them all you want. I\’m not here to censor your friends, but all I ask is the same back. I never ever EVER want you to even say a word about Joe and I because you know it\’s exactly the same thing, except that I\’ve learned my lesson. I tell you every time I hang out with him…even whenever we went to confession. I don\’t even get that gratitude. You would think that seeing as you know how uncomfortable I am about you around them you\’d at least ask me if it was ok…but no. You don\’t ask me anything…in fact you don\’t even tell me. I hear about it in the past tense. All I want is some of your attention, but I don\’t even get that. You didn\’t even say hi to me today! We were in the same freaking place and you didn\’t even say hi, and if you did you didn\’t make yourself noticed. I saw other people. Why didn\’t I see you? Whatever. You know how nervous I was about working for the first time so i waited for you to call after work maybe for the hope that you would come over for like 15 minutes to at least say bye and good luck. No, apparently I\’m not worth 15 minutes of your precious time when you would be with your friends. I\’m not even out of the way…you were at CHURCH. Then when I talked to you later and said that I wanted to see you and that I would refrain from being mad at you you said you didn\’t believe me and that you didn\’t want to hang out with me and that you wouldn\’t talk to me right then cause you were with your friends. Oh I see how important our relationship is to you now. This negativity started last night when I mentioned that I didn\’t feel like you loved me and that the only time you show any affection or compliment me or really do anything remotely sweet is when it\’s convenient for you. That\’s not love. You don\’t love me. I said it last night and I\’ll say it again cause I know it\’s true. You get what you want from me and then go back to your friends, your job, whatever. I\’m your freaking puppy dog. All I want is a little bit of attention, or perhaps I want alot of your attention, because well….I\’m your freaking GIRLFRIEND! Wow….there\’s a shock…give attention to your girlfriend…no one ever does that! I always have to give in, because you are too stubborn to do it. Even if I\’m really mad or sad you don\’t even care. You know I waited like 2 hours for you to call last night cause I hate not talking to you when we\’re fighting, but you never called. I wanted you to come and say goodbye to me before I went to Panera. I waited all day for you to come down and say Hi, on beginning retreat I waited the whole weekend for you to come up and apologize or do something. I\’m constantly waiting for you to do things that you never do. Why do I even bother? And you wonder why I like talking to Joe, and No I DON\’T like him like that so don\’t even do that, he at least pays attention to me and listens and really cares. H\’ed do near anything for me and we\’re not even dating. I don\’t know if I coud say the same thing about you. I really hope that you had a great night tonight…cause I have a sneaking suspiscion that if you call me tonight your evening will go downhill very fast. I don\’t think I deserve to be treated like this, honestly. And yet I continue to wait for you because it COULD be really great.
Sorry for the rant, I\’m really not depressed or anything I\’m just really mad right now I feel beter expressing it somehow. It\’s not like he even reads my xanga anyways…
“i wish you had the guts to come up to me and say that to my face, because i think putting all that on your xanga is a pretty weak way to be bashing people. I don’t think it’s very nice of you to do in my opinion, either go up to them and tell them exactly what you think about them or just keep quiet, but don’t go randomly bashing people anonomously or if you want to do it do it in a private diary or something becauase you know that can hurt people’s feelings.”
My Kare Bear, you need a hug, or some girl talk… You really need to spend the night. We can rant to each other like the 7’s we are. What are you doing this weekend? You should come over one night and hang out. Call me or I’ll call you, whichever happens first. I love you!
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