I\’ve been a little bummed out today. I\’m not 100% sure why either, all in all I had a good day, no school, hung out with friends, ate hot dogs, played games, saw my lovable puppy. All things that SHOULD add up to a great day. My heart wasn\’t in it today, though. I was too scattered, too unfocused, too submissive, too passive. Maybe tomorrow will be better. By the Way, the title is the response I\’ve been giving people who have asked me how my classes this semester have been going. I have only been to one. My other two classes are tomorrow. 6 straight hours of class? Joyful! I haven\’t really done that since high school. Maybe if my mind was more focused and my heart more at peace, I wouldn\’t be dreading it so much. Truth be told is for the last couple of days, I feel like I haven\’t been able to focus on anything. I keep bouncing from one thing to another in my head and haven\’t stopped to really explore one thing long enough to delve into it. While this isn\’t necessearily inherently bad in and of itself, I do think it is reflecting something inside me that needs more grounding. It\’s made me think more about the enneagram, so if you hate it and don\’t want to hear about it, stop reading.
So, for those of you who may not know, the enneagram is a personality typing system (similar to Myers-Briggs) that is based on motivation. The theory is that everyone has something that motivates them the most, an obsession if you will. Depending on the particular personality, there are certain patterns of how one will act. Now, I\’ve been \”studying\” the enneagram for a couple of years now, and the reason it intrigues me so much and why I think about it a lot is that I find it\’s one of the best explanations on why I do what I do. From the things that I have read, and the interactions I have had with others have been amazingly accurate. Now, while I do believe that the enneagram can be and is, sometimes, misused and misunderstood, I don\’t believe it has been a hindrance in my personal or spiritual development. To be clear, I do not in ANY way believe that my interest and belief in the enneagram is contradictory to my religious beliefs, nor is it in some way \”disproving\” my faith, or God. I think that it has been an incredibly helpful tool in helping me understand not only myself, but other people and if anything, has given me more of a belief in God. Ultimately the only way to get rid of one\’s \”obsession\” is to be in communion with God. That relationship is really what is important. Just like the church is a human adaptation for the unknown of the cosmos, the enneagram is a human adaptation for the unknown of ourselves. If anything it has given me words to describe things I have expereinced since I was young and could never explain before, so I am grateful for that.
A quick overview for those of you who don\’t know (Go to http://www.enneagraminstitute.com for loads more information) there are 9 basic motivations:
1 – To be right
2 – To be loved
3 – To be successful
4 – To be unique
5 – To be competent
6 – To be secure
7 – To be happy
8 – To be in control
9 – To be a peace
The theory is that everyone falls into one of these numbers. Now you have your main types, but you also can exhibit traits from one of the neighboring numbers, which are known as wings (for example a 3 can have a 2 wing or a 4 wing) There\’s also integration and disintegration patterns for acting like different numbers in times of stress or when you\’re doing really well. So, in a nutshell I\’m a 6 (wanting to be secure) with a 7 wing (wanting to be happy). Some of the characteristics of a 6: Loyal, Committed, Anxious, Vacillating, Engaging, Skeptical. Some of the Characteristics of a 7: Scattered, Fun-Loving, Novelty-Seeking, Non-Committal, Flaky, Enthusiastic. I often exhibit both numbers. (For a LONG time I even thought I was a 7….I am not. Deep down I have always been a 6. Picking the safe road before the fun one.) So knowing this, I have been thinking about the ways our wings affect us. For me, my seven wing makes me way more optimistic, future-thinking, outgoing and fun than I would be with a much more reserved 5 wing. When I\’m really stressed I tend to look like a 3w1 (efficient, success-driven and critically perfectionistic) and when I\’m really happy and all is well I can look like a 9w5 (a peaceful researcher who can go to great depths in whatever I choose). But sometimes I notice that my wing comes out stronger than unusual and I have never read anywhere on a good explanation to why that is the case. So today, while I was waiting for the bus, I thought about my 7 wing and how unfocused I\’ve been as of late and I realized that for me it seems that my wing comes out when my main type motivation isn\’t being filled. Lately, I\’ve had A LOT going on in terms of security with all the changes going on in my life. It\’s almost like I unconsciously think \”well if I\’m not in a safe, secure place in my life, I might as well at least be happy.\” Wings almost seem to have a back-up quality about them. Maybe it\’s a sign of imbalance. All I know, is that I\’m definitely the kind of person that likes feeling settled, and no part of my life feels settled right now. It totally messes with me. I just have to keep telling myself that right now, everything is OK and that stability will come soon enough. It helps me get to sleep at night. That and the glow-in-the dark stars on my ceiling. As dumb and as juvenile as that sounds, it\’s comforting to me. It reminds me of home.
\”I suppose I just need some peace, just to get me to sleep.\” – Caedmon\’s Call