I really need this today. To remind myself of my shortcomings and that I don\’t actually anything because deserve because everything is a grace bestowed from God. I need this because earlier today, I actually used the phrase: \”I feel like I deserve…\”. Pride is, in my opinion, the downfall of us all. Look at all the people that got cocky and then lost: Hitler, Napoleon, the Devil, etc. IT\’s like as soon as you think you are invincible, that\’s the precise time God reminds you, not so kindly, that we are all, in fact, under His reign. I think the reason I\’ve been feeling this way lately has been because of deep-seated anger. Yes, I\’ll admit it, I possess in me a darkness comprised of anger, fear, and pain all wrapped up into one thing causing my behaviors to be erratic and illogical, not at all from a place of inner stability and peace. All those emotions are being dealt with in a very ungracious human way, through jealousy, lashing out, putting up walls, avoidance, egotism, numbness, disordered attachments, pretty much anything that can help \”ease\” them. God, how do I deal with them? Can I even express them to you? I feel like this whole experiment is me asking you to help me with every single thing on the prayer. That means it\’s a good prayer for me. Help me realize my truest self, not on my own, but endlessly wrapped up in Your love and devotion to me.
\”All my heavy hopes just pull me back down again.\” – Owl City Tidal Wave