I\’m Alone in the Universe

As I look around me I am constantly reminded that I\’m alone.  Not alone in that I have no friends or family to support me, but alone in that I haven\’t found that one guy who \”completes\” me and that\’s what society tells me I need to have.  A companion to go through life with so I won\’t be alone.  When I think about all the converstaions I have with people the most popular topic is relationships with the opposite sex….how you feel about so and so or how so and so feels about you or the date you went on or what ya\’ll talked about it.  I find it interesting that this one are is what our lives seem to revolve around.  We hate being alone, and if we\’re not in a relationship we are alone.  Thus we can conclude that many hate not being in a relationship.  We even will stay in unhealthy relationships for the sole reason of being afraid to be alone.  I know it happens.  I\’ve done that.  So then I ask myself, what is this all about?  I think part of it is instant-gratification.  We want what we want and we don\’t want to wait for anything.  I\’m so bad at that.  Waiting.  The problem though is that when we don\’t wait and let things cultivate on their own, the relationship will more than likely be unhealthy.  You cant push too hard, you can\’t get too serious too fast, you can\’t be too intense in the beginning, because you don\’t have the necessary foundation that a good relationship is based off of.  But we hate being alone in this world so much that we will not even always recognize that we should be.  That maybe being alone isn\’t the worst thing in the world.  Maybe it\’s what\’s best for us.  As much as I hate to admit it….and I do hate to admit it.  I know it\’s good for me to be alone right now.  I know it\’s the right thing for me to do.  I need to find myself.  I need to learn about myself.  I need to convert my heart to God completely…not a boy.  I hardly ever know God\’s will for my life, but right now the more I think and pray and contemplate the more I feel like I know why he\’s doing this to me.  I\’ll admit I haven\’t liked this.  I don\’t like it one bit.  It\’s painful.  Really painful.  I had a nervous breakdown.  It hasn\’t been a fun time for me, but it\’s made me realize some things.  There are some things you need to do alone.  No offense to those of you that believe another person can help you in your path to self-discovery and to those of you who believe someone is going to complete you.  I don\’t believe that.  Not at all.  God completes me.  I complete me.  I do not need another person to complete me.  No one else can help my self-worth.  No one.  This mentality of needing someone is a dangerous thing.  No one can define you.  Only you can define you.  I\’m learning this.  Slowly after failed attempts of defining myself by other people\’s standards.  I\’ve learved alot of things.  I learned that I really am able to truly love.  To really sacrifice my happiness for the sake of someone else.  There\’s a certain peace to that.  I know I haven\’t always dealt with this situation in the best possible way, but the point is I\’m trying.  So yeah that\’s my shpeel of the day.  Being alone isn\’t something to be afraid of.  It\’s an amazing opportunity God gives you to learn about yourself if you actually take it.  Besides when you learn about yourself and God you\’ll learn that you\’re never really alone…

\”And You know the plans You have for me, and You can\’t plan the ends and not plan the means.\” – Caedmon\’s Call