Random Musings

Tonight I went to see the She Bang show as part of the Moontower Comedy Festival. Bascially, a bunch of female comedians doing stand up comedy and I have to say I was impressed. I\’m normally not a huge fan of women comedians. I just normally don\’t think they are really funny, but tonight I was pleasantly surprised. My favorite was Erin Foley. I had seen her on TV before and thought she was so-so, but on stage in front of a live audience she killed it.

In other news, my fiance unexpectedly went to Houston for the weekend, so now I have a whole weekend to myself. I\’m not sure what I want to do. Eeyore\’s birthday party is tomorrow, which is always an interesting sight to see and there will be yoga at a downtown plaza in the morning which sounds nice. I swear, my life\’s calling is probably to write about local and community events. I mean, I know I have a really bad habit of ignoring my blogging responsibilities, but if I ever got in a routine, I have so many restaurants, events, and recipe ideas that I could fill a lifetime.
Seriously, my infamous spreadsheet is out of control. I have 264 Austin restaurants I have never been to and  764 recipes I want to try. Sometimes I wish I could get out of my head and actually follow through with these things, but I get so much joy in the research.
I really want to refocus. I\’ve noticed my my mood hasn\’t been the greatest recently and I haven\’t been harnessing my inner spirit. Part of me wants to do something outlandishly crazy, like move to India and join an ashram so I could meditate all day and connect with my inner peace. Or maybe I could just drive somewhere and just go wherever the wind takes me. I like the sense of freedom. I crave the sense of freedom. However, as you get older you realize the support system you created for yourself and your responsibilities towards other people on earth. You come from families and a history and a home that you can only truly escape if you break all ties, and why would you want to tear something down you have literally spent your entire life building up? But, it would be nice to just like with reckless abandon.
Maybe I\’ll go to one of those eco-friendly yoga retreat resorts in South America.
What I should do is figure out what I\’m going to do in the Cayman Islands. Evan and I are going in July with friends, mainly because they needed an extra set of people and it\’s super affordable given the circumstances. Swimming with Dolphins, Sea Turtle farm, snorkeling, parasailing, apparently there\’s a lot we can do in Grand Cayman which is exciting and it should be fun to take a week away from work. I like breaks, they help keep me sane.
Evan and I also booked our honeymoon! In the Dominican Republic, which is kind of weird, but we\’re doing an all-inclusive resort and it got some of the best ratings out of all of them. I\’m looking forward to that as well.
Maybe I should go on a silent retreat. Although every time I think about that I get a huge sense of dread. I mean, I\’m extremely extroverted. I get my energy, drive and happiness from my interactions and conversations with others. In fact the times I have felt the most connected with God have rarely been when I\’ve been sitting and meditating or praying. Mostly they happen out of the blue, in some strange eerily peaceful moment that is seared into my memory forever. It normally happens when I\’m going on throughout my day, not really thinking about anything in particular and all of a sudden I get a feeling of unshakable peace and calm. I long for that peace, but if I try and search for it, I can never seem to recreate it. But besides those moments, I mostly connect to God through other people. People give me an external location with which to deal with my thoughts and feelings. I need to externalize these things or I end up not meditating or praying at all and just become lathargic and confused. I work much better when I can verbalize and externalize these things because at least that way maybe there might be some structure and order to the chaos.
I\’m an ENFJ. My fiance is an ISFP. I am a 6. He is a 9. We are so opposite. I don\’t know how it works. Many times I just look at him like a deer in headlights in total wonder and awe. Who is this man? What does he want? How does he think? How do I feel about him? I can never seem to answer those questions in any definitive way. I always just feel stuck in that place. But part of me knows that those headlights are coming and before you know it I\’ll be struck with a wedding and a lifelong commitment. Terrifying and yet maybe I needed to be entranced long enough to wait for that car to hit me. Maybe that\’s the only way a person like me could ever go through with something so radical. And, yes, I do believe that marriage is radical.

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