Bitterness is one of those things that I feel come and go, depending on the tides of my moods. As much as I try not to be bitter (after all what is the point?) I am not very good at it. I believe that bitterness and disappointment come hand in hand with one another. It\’s pretty much an area of feeling self-entitled: that you should have gotten something, or you\’re being denied something. It\’s simply not fair. I feel that I have had my share of disappointments in my life and out of all my emotions, I think that this one is one that I feel worst about expressing. I tell myself, \”Why do you feel like you should have gotten x y and z in the first place. You should be more humble. You are clearly not good enough for that.\” That is the bitterness within me talking. Whether it be the missed opportunity to be a standleader, or getting denied entry in UT, or one of my many failed romantic endeavors, the bitterness is there and that looming thought of fundamentally not being good enough will seemingly be there forever. Maybe it\’s because I feel guilty expressing this kind of emotion that I hold onto it for such a long time. The lack of expression causes repression and there on the inside of my heart are a myriad of disappointments and things to be bitter about. It\’s why I still remember that I never got a field day in 5th grade. Wow, way to hold a grudge, Karen, good job. I neglected writing this post for a couple of days mainly because I didn\’t know what to say on the topic, but now that I\’m thinking about it, I realize that bitterness is very much a part of who I am. That\’s why it needs to be replaced. I need to let go, to forgive, to mend the pain of my heart.
\”I am the son that ran away. I am the bitter son that stayed.\” – Caedmon\’s Call