Yin Yang

It\’s been months since I\’ve posted anything. I\’ve just been busy doing other things. Summer is happening and I\’ve been having a grand old time, going to dog parks, kayaking, watching movies at the theater, floating the river, going to the beach, not to mention weddings and barbecues. With so much to do, it\’s no wonder I haven\’t written anything. But at long last I have found something worth writing about and that\’s my current disposition on relationships. I am currently in a romantic relationship that is NOTHING like anything I have ever been in before. This could be good…this could be bad…I\’m not always entirely sure. I\’m used to highly emotional relationships, filled to the brim with drama, multiple breakups, tears, passion, ultimatums, yelling, bold confessions of love, all very over the top. My boyfriend now is the exact opposite of over the top. In fact he is incredibly subtle and nonchalant in almost everything he does and this includes his interactions with me…much to my confusion and sometimes irritation. We are almost complete opposites in everything we do and are. When I\’m an extrovert that wants to be the center of the attention, his introverted self fades into the background. When I talk his ear off, he listens. I think of things in terms of relating to people, he thinks in terms of things. Though I can be incredibly difficult to make happy and handle, he is generally pretty easy to please and people genuinely like being around him.

But something that came to my attention early this evening was that the way I have approached this relationship has been very different than all my previous boyfriends. I don\’t feel that intense need that I have before. I\’m more okay with being away from him and not talking. I even feel somewhat secure that he still kind of likes me, because he does a good job of reminding me. The only problem is, is that I have a very hard time understanding how to be in a relationship that fulfills wants and not needs. I get the feeling when I\’m not super excited to see him or if I, heaven forbid, want time alone, I obviously must not like him, which in turn makes me moody and difficult to be around. Before tonight I thought there must be something wrong…but maybe it\’s just that it\’s finally right. I\’m not the kind of person that will constantly and consistently feel a certain way for someone. I know that. I am way too ambivalent for that. But maybe this seemingly lack of desire is actually a maturing step into a healthy relationship. Just some thoughts.

\”The most exciting attraction is between two opposites that never meet.\” – Andy Warhol

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